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So I was at the mall this weekend with my daughters and had an interesting exchange with a man in the bathroom (not the same kind Rich has). I had gone into the bathroom to change Sienna because she had diarriah and Soleis also had to go poop. Sienna was tired and I had to fight her tooth and nail to get her to be still, but failed misserably, as she stuck her hand in the poop and it was all over the changing table. At the same time Soleis was having her own troubles. She had just finished and was ready to wipe when she realized that the toilet paper was too high for her to reach and needed my help. Long story short, I handled both situations and when I was washing my hands, a guy who had heard all of the chaos said to me " The World would be a much better place if everyone was like you. You are a blessing." Which was a really cool thing for somebody to say to you period and he didn't even know that I had just gotten done participating in 2 Gymnastics classes and was heading to 2 baseball games from there. But the fact is that it got me thinking of a couple of things. First, if his statement was true. Would the World be a much better place if everyone was like me? Me initial response is "probably not" I have done too many crazy outragious things to justify that statement. The second thing I thought about was fatherhood in general and what makes a good dad.
This morning I heard on the news that Tony Dungy won some award for being " Dad of the year" or something and also was being considered by Obama for some post in the government having to do with Faith based family values. This through me for a curve because, although he's a good coach and pretty much everyone says he is a good guy, how can you be considered a great dad when you are gone from your family almost half of the year? How can you be an authority on how to raise children when your only attempt so far resulted in your son committing suicide? Especially when it was reported that one of the reasons his son killed himself because of failing to live up to his father's expectations. With a non working wife, the finest private schools, millions of dollars in the bank, a nanny, and a housekeeper, this is about as far away from reality as it gets!!!! Give me a break.
I think the number 1 criteria should be that you have to be around. I never considered my dad to be a good father. He worked long hours and when he was home, he was mostly crabby and yelled at us constantly about everything from having a messy room, to getting a bad grade, to not listening to our mother. Every night it was something different. The one thing that he did do is always attend every event that myself or my brothers had. You see, he owned a business and made his own schedule, meaning he could leave whenever he wanted. Every single baseball, football, basketball, soccer, track, event/game that I had, he was at. He also coached my baseball and basketball teams when I was younger. It was like clockwork, if we had a game, my dad was there. Every time I had a school play or recital, dad was there. Even though he was often critical, I still was glad that he was there.
I would like to hear what you guys think makes a successful parent, as I already have a bunch myself and a lot of you guys are either getting married soon or are newlyweds or already have kids and may want more someday or some at all. I'm pretty sure that being gone half the time and having your kid kill himself isn't the right answer (I feel terrible about his loss and I don't wish that upon anyone, but you can't help but think if things would have turned out different if he wasn't in Indy when his son was in Tampa.) I know that I appreciate my dad a lot more now than I did then and understand why he did things the way he did, even though I didn't like it at the time. Anyways, that is my 2 cents
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16 comments:
I agree that to be a good father, you need to be present in your childs life. You need to involve yourself into that child's upbringing. A dad or mom should be there to help make life decisions, no matter how small it may be. For, every small act, though, or experience adds up in the end and goes a long way in forming character, personality, and beliefs. The Xbox and TV are not doing a good job of raising this generation of children. You got all these baby mama's raising these kids with no father figures in their lives growing up to be scum and suck off the tit of the government(which my soon to be taxes will be paying for). Bottom line, stop fucking if you can't afford a kid or you have the IQ of a mentally retarded person.
Anyway, from what I have seen, I think you are a great dad Rob. And I will meet you at the Redbug bathroom pregame to discuss certain matters. Later.
I think a good dad is suppose to yell at you most of the time. You know why? Becasue most of the time you're probably being a moron.
If he teaches you sports, is there when you're in crisis, and keeps your mom happy and your family together, he's a good dad.
That's the basics, my dad way exceeded all of that, but if has those fundamentals he probably did a good job.
Also, Rob I have a test I'd like you to take.
Go here and let me know what score you get.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-03-16-pinsky-quiz_N.htm
You're so right Rich.
My Xbox molested me.
I TRUSTED THAT PIECE OF SHIT!
I knew USB didn't stand for User's Scrodum and Balls.
LOL. Nice one Koko. I also agree with you guys that if you need to yell its all good. A good ass whupping is also OK if extreme lines are crossed. Time outs just don't cut it some times. And fuck calling the cops on your parents in non abuse situations where a spanking was necessary. Whats the world coming to?
Koko,
I scored a 15 on the test. I don't know if that is good or bad.
I don't think being mean or yelling a lot is the answer. Most people think that I turned out ok, but I never felt close to my dad or have a bond like some people do. Even today, I just don't feel it. There is that resentment and that feeling that I am not good enough in his eyes.
I don't want that kind of relationship with my kids. I don't subscribe to the end justifies the means theory. I want to be friends with my kids, but have them never forget who the boss is. And "time outs" do work if they are missing out on something they really want.
My father was around for only about half my childhood.
He fucked up a lot as far as illegal shit ( jail ) , yet still managed to be an excellent father in the long run raising 4 kids after coming to this country without knowing the language in the late 60's.
Basically I believe a father's job is never done . I have a great relationship with the old man now!
As far as I see Robby , u do a hell of a job man. You got your hands full !
Wow....It certainly does take someone special to do all those little things that it take to raise kids and raise them well. Rob, you certainly are a role model for all of us and that really makes a difference for a kid.
I think the most important role of a Father is to simply be there and just try to teach his kids right from wrong and let them know that he may get mad at them but regardless his love is unconditional.
While, there are different avenues to raise a child also I believe. If you want to raise a superstar "Athlete" or "WonderChild" you probably have to raise them different as with success there is always sacrifices.
Personally, I am very happy with the way I was raised but it also begs the question what if I was raised to be a "Professinal" athlete? I wonder if my parents pushed me to early morning workouts, private workouts, etc......etc.....what would have been the possibilites? But, I also know full well there would have been sacrifices and my life would be alot different.
Also, as far as the inspiration for this article I do agree with you Rob that Tony Dungy is probably not "Father of the Year" but at the same time I don't think just because of what happened to his son he is not a good father.
He raised his kid relatively right and from all account loved him very much and was a part of his life. His son was Successful and was off in College at USF, how was he suppossed to be off hovering around him when he was an adult? His son simply got mixed up with some tough emotions turned to drugs and things spiraled out of control like they do sometimes for young kids.
However, I don't think it was something his Father did to him or did not do for him other than the fact his father gave him the last name Dungy.......and forced him to live a life wherever he went people always knew him as Tony Dungy's son.........Not Anthony Dungy or whatever his name was.
It can be very difficult on a kid to live in the shadow of his Fathers success because of the Expectation put on them by OTHER people.......and in this case not because of his Fathers expectations but most likely because of the large shadow his Dad cast in his life that OTHER people perceived.
Vince Lombard JR. grew up loving his Dad very much but absolutely despising having his name. Because he never had a chance to be himself. Everywhere he went when he was introduced he knew people automatically looked at him differently when they heard his name and He also knew there was absolutely no way to live up to the expectations put on him by these people. Vince Jr was very depressed and lost in life until he finally learned to embrace his name and use it to his advantage rather than to be upset about it.
If you read his Biography he states full well loved his father very much and felt he did a great job raising him but he hated being his Fathers Son because of who is was.
Now, if you want to Blame Vince or Tony Or Rocky for casting a big shadow because of the life paths they chose, that is a valid argument. They could have quit their professions to raise their children away from the limelight. But at the same time all 3 of these Dad's were certainly present in their kids lives and did what they coud to raise them right.......However, ultimately they grow up to be adults and have to make choices on their own.
Also, I would be curious to hear Prosthetic Johnson weigh in on this as he was telling me about a book he is reading pertaining exactly to this subject.
Keith, I am not sure I know what book you are talking about but I have some idea on the subject.
First of all,Reger, you sound like the father of the year. All joking aside. I did not live with my father until I was 16yrs old but he was always around. My father became a Rabbi and I always felt he cared more about his career then my life. I guess thats what happeneds when your parents get divorced and are trying to reestablish their lives.
I do think my father is one of the greats. He has always been there for me and always showed me lots of love, which is most important. No one is perfect.
Scott, What Book???????
The one you were telling me about from a NY Times writer about how his kid becomes a crack addict even though he does his best to try and parent him but he eventually just has to give up on him cause even though he does everything in his power to raise him right he just can't stop him from being an addict?????
And no I'm not referring to the Yankee Years by Joe Torre.
God damn Keith, you could make a Torah out of your comments.
Hey take this test too, let me know what you get:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-03-16-pinsky-quiz_N.htm
Rob, you did fine, you're normal. I wanted to see what a young parent would score on it.
I have to disagree that in order to be a good father you have to be around all the time. My dad was gone for most of the formable years of my childhood. He was gone on missions to places like vietnam serbia and Saudi arabi. So not only was he gone but we often thought he might not return alive. He wasn't able to come to every baseball game or every football when I was younger, but he did attend every one when I went to high school. He did the same for my brother and his cross country and track meets and the plays he was in. I consider my dad one of the greatest parents because he allowed my brother and myself to grow into people at young ages, yes he did the usual yelling about messy rooms, but he when he wasn't doing the yelling he was teaching. He was actively involved with our scouting and he provided me and my brother with every opportunity he could to make us better people.
So you don't always have to be around to be a great parent.
Those are all good points, but don't really cover what i was getting at. My dilemma is that I feel like I grew up in an ideal situation with 2 parents, suburban neighborhood, with a dad that was very involved in my activities. Yet I don't feel very close to him and I cannot think of one single fond memory of doing anything with my dad like a lot of people do. I feared him and I guarantee that I got into less trouble growing up because I was scared of him. I got better grades because I was scared of him. Was better at sports because I was trying to impress him. And developed a very strong work ethic because I saw his work ethic.
On the surface, these should be positive traits, but here I am in my 30s and I can't remember a single good memory with him. I don't dislike him and we are cordial, but definately not close.
I would be happy if my kids turned out like me and my dad had a huge influence on that, but I can say with 100% certainty that I want to be friends and close with my kids when they grow up.
I'm having trouble with the balance. Is the consequence of raising good kids worth the price?
I think that you can be your childs friend and still be the authority in the household. Different roles for different situations. Its all about love and I think that you are going about it the right way. My father passed away when I was 12yrs old. I have fond memories with my father till this day and would never trade them away for anything, but I also new when he meant business and new not to fuck around. He always wanted me to do good in everything I did, but never came down on me as long as he knew I was trying. He also never wanted to fulfill his dreams through me. Regs, I think that you are taking your life experiences and using them to your advantage. You children will benefit from this.
Very Profound Rich.....didn't know you had that side in you.
Great job all around guys. Wow.....Nice Rant Regs!!!!
first off, reger, i hope you cleaned off that poopy table...
to be a great father there are many criterias. for me for instance, for my father to come to any event i had would have categorized him as a great father. for you though, that wasn't enough. you wanted more. now you appreciate the little things. you see we all look for different things. you are a good father because you are there for your children. i don't have shitlets. but when i do have my shitstains, i will pray to be a great father and pray that my daughter does not do a "how many dicks can fill every hole on a bitch porno" or my son is not buttmunching doodoo chaser.
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