5 comments:

Rich said...

So let me get this right, if you had the opportunity would you taint a specimen of Eli Manning's urine? More importantly, would you hold Eli Manning's penis during the urine collection to know what a winning cock feels like?

Please answer at your earliest convenience.

March 2, 2012 at 5:06 PM  

Koko said...

Good for you standing up for your boy there Regs. I'm not going to disparage you for going to the mat for Braun, he's your franchise player.

And if people are actually going to stick up for LeBron, Vick, etc, then they have zero right to call you out for Braun.

I actually want him to be innocent. I like the guy, he's a great player and I'd be totally lying if I didn't admit the fact that he's Jewish doesn't sway my opinion of him. I mean come on, how many Jewish MVP's are there going to be in my lifetime.

That disclosed, I can't help but notice the scent of the bullshit flavored matzah ball at the bottom of the soup.

Let's go through your points:

-The 44 hour gap is irrelevant. Laurenzi has collected samples and kept them many times before over the years when a FedEx was not available. Also, it's much better for the hired collector to keep a sample in his custody than an arbitrary delivery service where the suspects can grow exponentially.

-The amount of times Braun has been tested before is also irrelevant. Just about every player that has failed a test has also passed them before they got caught. A failed test is a failed test.

-The incredibly high dosage of Testosterone is something that's curious. Why was the dose so high? However that does not imply Braun's innocents, more like Braun had taken whatever he took very recently.

-Braun's age, career length and statistics are completely irrelevant. Not sure why you listed them.

-Laurenzi being a Cubs fan, sounds like a crazy 9/11 conspiracy theorist. He's really going to risk federal prison to get a Brewer in trouble? Besides it's not like the Cubs and Brewers are the Red Sox and Yankees. It's not exactly a fiery rivalry.

-Braun's weight has nothing to do with taking extra testosterone. Many people that take it have zero side effects.

-The second sample that Braun submitted counts for nothing. He had plenty of time to get it out of his system by then.


How do you explain that the seals on the samples that Braun himself signed were not at all tampered with?

March 2, 2012 at 5:31 PM  

Regs said...

The 44 hour gap represents opportunity. The fact that he had done it before is irrelevant. Braun is a star player and he had an opportunity to fuck up the Brewers season.

The guy is not dumb. He was probably very careful so he wouldn't be caught.

It also probably wasn't that pre-meditated.

Probable scenario:

Dino has friends over on Saturday night. As the buddys are watching the Brewers win again and go into full "beast mode", he casually mentions that he has Braun's sample in his basement. His buddys say something like "dude, you could totally fuck up the Brewers season and help the Cubs if you put something in it. Nobody would know."

At first Dino resists, but the more he thinks about it, the more sense it makes. Nobody has ever won an appeal and he is a respected collector. This is his chance to reverse the curse of the goat.(Or so he thinks). Nobody (except Rob Reger) would suspect anything.

Oh and by the way Koko, age and stats matter because if you look at every guy who has been busted or accused, they have 1 of two things in common, sometimes both. The first is that they have an abnormal spike in their power numbers. When you go from 15 home runs to 35 in 1 year, it raises eye brows. The second category are aging players looking for a boost to extend their careers. Roger Clemens added 5 mph to his fastball in his late 30's. That is not natural.

Braun had none of this going on. In fact, he is in his prime and his power numbers have been extremely consistent throughout his career.

March 3, 2012 at 8:06 AM  

Double S said...

"Most Cubs fans dispise the Brewers?" I've never heard a Cubs fan (and with my Cubs loving family as background) say this. I ALWAYS hear how much they HATE the Cardinals. Too bad Mr. Dino didn't have Albert Pujols' urine.

Braun's fairly even numbers from year to year should be taken into consideration.

March 4, 2012 at 3:14 PM  

Koko said...

No the stats are still completely irrelevant. Many players take testosterone or steroids to simply recover from an injury quicker, a la Andy Pettitte.

Braun was dealing with some nagging injuries last season and may have just wanted to be 100% for the playoff run. It's probably not something that he's done much before if ever. Which also accounts for why the levels were so high.

March 5, 2012 at 9:18 AM  

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